few sips of coffee, we're all going to hell, Ocean Heaven, et al

i've recently limited myself to a few sips of coffee at a time. that usually means just enough amount of "high" that brings with it less caffeine crash than i can condone. if it sounds unnecessarily odd, that's because  it is. feeling extremely weak, bordering on lifelessness, after the coffee high has receded still seems abnormal to me, no matter if i'm a fairly new coffee convert. i dislike it in the same measure i dislike morning-after hangovers. time gets wasted. and the stark contrast between during coffee and after coffee is a mockery i can't seem to get used to. i've been advised by two doctors to stop coffee altogether, without even looking into why i have this rather abnormal reaction to coffee. i think it's a stupid advice, it's like telling someone to stop laughing if laughing hurts your jaw (happened to me before, given that exact advice before). or to be metaphorical about it, it's like telling someone to stop admiring a rose if the caterpillars bother him.

so a few sips at a time should do for now. "few sips" can always mean every after three or four hours, can't it?

*******

it's my first time in weeks that i have the house completely to myself and i am at peace. i am at peace despite a huge stack of problems waiting to pull me down anytime. i am at peace despite the literal mess around me, waiting for someone to barge in the house and sneer at how i can function in such disorder. i am at peace despite a host of uncertainties fading in and out. and i'm not sure why.

*******

caught this Chinese movie called Ocean Heaven in the cinema for free last night and i think i was crying seventy percent of the time. i've never cried that long and that much over a decidedly melodramatic movie in quite a long while. it's good to know i haven't turned into stone yet.

sometimes life knows how to sneak in and give you just about the right kind of catharsis you need.

*******

that uplifting feeling of hearing your exact thoughts stream out beautifully by virtue of a good song: